Sunday, December 19, 2010

The Truth About Romance

Just to put something in perspective here. People believe in romance because, as human beings, we are wired to hate being alone. Better survivability that way, you see. If you have a heart attack in your home and you live by yourself, game's over. You're dead. Chances of surviving go up when you're with someone else. But the fact of the matter is that who that person is doesn't matter. You may think it's about compatibility, but it isn't. Look at it this way. Suppose it was. Naturally you want to choose the most compatible person to marry, because why settle if you're more compatible with someone else? And that's the trap. Because consider everyone you know or have ever met and conversed with to a slight degree. Consider everyone you have on facebook. For this example, I'll use a fairly popular female friend of mine who has 600 friends. Assume, for the sake of simplicity, that you have a 50/50 split in terms of gender. That's 300 people in a perspective pool of people you know.

The kicker? Compared to the world population of almost 7 billion, that's not even a drop in the bucket. For the sake of simplicity divide that number in half for gender difference. 300/3500000000 = 8.57142857×10^(-8), or .00000008571% chance that the person most compatible with you is someone you know. You're looking for 1/3500000000. Your chances of winning the Texas Lottary are 1/175711536. You're twice as likely to win the Texas Lottary as you are to pick the human being alive, right now, who is most compatible. Oh, and if you're bisexual than you're four times as likely to win the Texas Lottary.

There are, of course, other complicating factors. Does that person share your sexual preference, for example. But those don't really matter. Point is, from that small pool of people you know the odds of finding your most compatible match is basically non-existent. And if you do, there's no guarantee things will stay that way. People evolve and adapt. Who you were once most compatible with might not be your match years down the road when you've become someone else.

And that's the simple math behind the illusion. Who you're with doesn't matter. It's just a fear of being alone and a desire for emotional gratification. Seems like a pretty good excuse for promiscuity now, doesn't it?


Thursday, December 16, 2010

Lack of Posting

I don't post often because, well, I'm busy doing things. But today I'm in a good mood and suddenly remembered I had this silly little blog, so I decided to actually sorta update.

1. Played a test game of Malifaux today. Had a blast doing so. I was using the Hag starter set against proxied Ortegas. Considering those blasted gunslingers are designed to kill Neverborn I think I did alright. Still lost, but I at least hurt them pretty badly. It's pretty fun and plays quick once you know what you're doing.

2. So, I have come to the realization that Cheapo discs is awesome. Found myself a Sisters of Mercy bootleg with a song I love on it. Sadly I can't import the damn cd into my itunes so it's not on my iPod, but just the same it's a great listen.

3. I hate Xmas. I'm a self-proclaimed Scrooge and proud of it. The music is boring, trite, and overplayed. The "spiritual" overtones are nauseating since it's a stolen Pagan holiday anyways. In all honesty Xmas is more of a political holiday than a religious one. Plus the consumerism is sickening. My family's all mad at me because I haven't really shown interest in any presents. I don't want/need presents! I'm content with what I have! Why is this such a source of frustration?! Grrr, now I'm stressed because I don't want anything and they keep bugging me for stuff. Plus they want stuff and I don't know what to get them. I just want this stupid holiday to be done with.

3 (a). As a sub-note I actually had to sign a bunch of Xmas cards today. Xmas cards, and cards in general, are dumb. It's a waste of paper and card stock. They're prepackaged BS that somehow shows you care about someone? Puh-lease. The only message I get when I receive them is "Wow this person cared enough to spend about a dollar for a piece of professionally folded paper."

3 (b). Though as another subpoint, for Xmas I did buy two movies to appease my parents. Got Ingmar Burgman's "the Seventh Seal" and "Scooby Doo on Zombie Island" at the same time. The guy working the checkout counter at B&N looked rather confused. It amused me.

4. You know how hard it is to find a copy of Mage: the Ascension? Here's the thing, I used to see copies of them all the time at Half Price Books. I've gone to all but 2 in the surrounding area and have yet to find a copy. I don't understand. It doesn't make sense! It shouldn't be that hard to find...

5. This is probably my new favorite song in the whole wide world.

6. Watched some old horror movies, including "The Black Dragon" starring Bela Lugosi. He plays a plastic surgeon who transforms 6 members of the Japanese Black Dragon society into lookalikes for six of America's leading businessmen so they can replace them and destroy U.S. economic infrastructure (the movie takes place in, and was made during, the early 1940's). It wasn't too bad, better than most of the bullshit that you'll see on screen today. The acting was a little lower class than I would have preferred, but still not as dismal as, say, Keaneau Reeves or Megan Fox. Still haven't seen Metropolis yet, though I want to. That's going to be fun.

That's all for today folks. As always, Love Under Will.


Saturday, December 11, 2010


Done with college. Nothing really to post, just felt like sharing.


Saturday, December 4, 2010

In Sickness and in Health

Rather than complain about being sick all day (I'm looking at you Kal) I've decided to be someone productive today. Then I realized I was sick and in no mood to do involved research about occultism and such, so instead I figured I'd talk a little about goth rock.

Goth rock is probably my favorite genre of music, much as I love horror punk and black metal. It's a wonderfully sweet melancholy that isn't overplayed like modern day emo music. And by overplayed, I don't mean "hear it too much on the radio." My problem with music like Linkin Park and Evanescence is that these bands make this music that tries so very hard to sound epic and depressive at the same time, and their subject matter is usually actually just personal relationships and romance songs, things of that nature. These bands (Linkin Park, Evanescence, etc) are writing these songs that have super "epic" soundscapes trying to make their mental break downs about losing their girlfriends/boyfriends/whatever sound like super hard core world shattering events. Which is kind of sad, but I won't get into it. Point is, goth avoids those pitfalls by making them melancholic without dipping into self-pity. It turns the personal angst into an artwork. Rather than screaming at the audience to understand it, goth rock frames those feelings and puts them on display. It captures that essence musically rather than forcibly trying to fit it into a cataclysmic sound scape that more narcissistic "artists" prefer to do. Wait! Bad Damien! You promised not to rant about trite emo bands!

Anywho, figured I'd post some of my favorite goth rock bands. If you know of any, please hit me up with recommendations.

1. Sisters of Mercy
2. Christian Death
3. Fields of the Nephilim
4. The Mission UK
5. Bauhaus
6. Ghost Dance
7. Rosetta Stone
8. Garden of Delight
9. London After Midnight
10. Corpus Delecti


Sunday, November 28, 2010

A Quick Plug

A blog originally started by my friend Kal's roommate. Kal was the guy I brought with me to see Watain. I guess he decided to "force himself" into his friend Michenab's blog, but just the same check em both out.


Saturday, November 27, 2010

A Painful Divorce

I'm sorry Black Metal, but I'm leaving you. I can't continue living like this. We've had a good run, and in the end we both tried our best. I know that deep down inside, we still both love each other, or at least I love you very, very much. But sometimes love just isn't enough, and we have to part ways.

Last Tuesday I went to see Goatwhore and Watain in concert. Lemme tell ya, it was something wicked. Course, I'd seen Watain live once before so I knew what was coming. But none the less it was still an incredibly powerful performance. There was much blood, filth, and mayhem all across the stage. Goatwhore was pretty good too, which was was pleasantly surprising. I've heard their albums before and didn't think all that highly of them, but they sound a Hell of a lot better live than they do on recordings. They got a pretty good mosh pit going, and myself and a friend of mine jumped on in despite being half to a quarter of everyone's size in there. Those guys were huge! I was pretty surprised by my friend Kal jumping in too. He was really only along because he'd come down to visit me and his other friends from Austin, and there was no way in Hell I was going to miss out on seeing Watain again. So he sorta came along for the ride, but in the end he seemed to really enjoy himself. Which is pretty nuts, really. The dude is gonna be a teaching aid for a bunch of elementary school kids in a few months, and he's been doused in blood by the fiendish Erik Danielsson!

Man do I love being a degenerate.

Well anyways, that whole "Watain are fucking excellent" rant kinda clashes with my opening bit a little if you noticed. I love Black Metal. My favorite band of all time is a Black Metal band. But I can't deal with Black Metal culture anymore. See, the genre isn't really a genre of music so much as its own little world. It has its own values and ideals, and for the longest time I really identified with that. But as of late the scene has been getting worse, and its values have changed in light of a lot of stupid shit that's been happening. People are now starting to loathe any band with moderate success and accuse them of being "mainstream." I've seen people accuse Funeral Mist of being mainstream. Really? Fucking Funeral Mist? Holy shit dude, I wish music like Funeral Mist was mainstream. People would be so much more interesting.

Now, in all fairness I sort of understand where this is coming from. I've met my fair share of morons who think that bands like Cradle of Filth are Black Metal. Not to mention there's Dimmu Borgir, who pretty much wrote the book on selling the fuck out. But popularity alone has nothing to do with it. A band, an act, a musician can be popular without "selling out." The problem with Dimmu Borgir isn't financial success, it's that they fundamentally changed their music to achieve that financial success. I mean, you can't deny the fact that half the tracks from Death Cult Armageddon were clearly inspired by Danny Elfman and meant to appeal to the Hot Topic crowd. Listen to this shit.

Now, don't get me wrong. Danny Elfman does some great shit. But seriously, don't act like you're somehow a part of the "Black Metal scene" when you're busy sucking off the guy who does the music for half of everything that's done in pop culture. It was a cold, calculated business decision and nothing more, and thus the antithesis of everything that Black Metal stands for. You really shouldn't pretend to be a part of something when you very obviously aren't.

All that being said, the Black Metal community has, as far as I'm concerned, gone way too far in the opposite direction. If you're reaching the point where you're afraid the financial success of a band is ruining their integrity, but the band pretty much sounds the same as they always did or at least has a logical sound progression that isn't motivated by making cash, then you're letting the attitudes and behaviors of the so-called "Mainstream" influence you as much as it does Ke$ha. And that's just as bad.

So I guess I can't in good conscience call myself a Black Metaller anymore. And I guess I'm fine with that. Bought the new Sargeist album and am very pleased with the results. Still heavily into the Orthodox Black Metal music and all that jazz. But I'm into lots of music, so it's no love lost really.

What I am totally into now, though, is horror punk. Mostly the hard core stuff, mind you. Punk tends to be very hit-or-miss for me. That being said, I'm having a blast with Order of the Fly. Just bought their new album, "Hollow Voices of a Dead Generation," and it's unbelievably good.

I also recommend, among horror punk bands...

Crimson Ghosts: Hunted

The Other: Howl at the Moon

The Hitchcocks: Renegade

Scarecrow: Zombies

Left For Dead: Tonight You Die

Schoolyard Heroes: Attack of the Puppet People

I guess I can also post some great Deathrock.

Theatre of Ice: Tomorrow Never Comes

45 Grave: Evil

Corpus Delecti: Patient

Not quite Deathrock, but a favorite of mine.
Nosferatu: Wiccaman

Salvation: Girlsoul

The Screaming Marionettes: Screaming Monster

The Wake: Nazerene

Anywho, I've got a ton more but I think I'm good for now. Hot damn I don't know what I'd do with myself without all this great music out there in the world.

As always, Love Under Will


Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Excitement Building

I have no idea what to do while I wait for the Watain show tonight. So I decided to write stuff here. Also been killing time listening to Ministry. I'm by no stretch of the imagination a great fan of theirs, but every now and then I pop in a listen. Right now I'm rocking out to Scarecrow from Psalm 69. Good stuff.

Got an hour and a half of work study today at the office. Shouldn't be too bad. After that I'm hitting up a couple of stores in downtown Austin and then prepping for the show. Got my boots and shirt ready and everything. Dunno what else to do with myself right now while I wait for my shift. Classes all got canceled today (awesome!) so I chilled out and played a little Red Dead Redemption. Undead Nightmare is a blast. Then tried to hit up an ATM machine, but the girl in front of me busted it. It's also the only bloody ATM machine in the entire campus, which is incredibly upsetting. Don't wanna go off campus just to pull money from my account. But oh well. Life is life, after all.

Anywho, I'll shut up now and start heading off to workstudy. Maybe the ATM machine will have been fixed by now.

As always, Love Under Will.


Monday, November 22, 2010

Devils and Demons, Oh My!

Going to go see Watain tomorrow night. I've seen them once before, so I know more or less what horrid sickness to expect going in. But they've also got new material released, and I'm very curious to see what some of it sounds like. The concert's at Emo's in downtown Austin, not too far away from my university.

So in honor of this most glorious event, I figured I'd post a bit about the Ars Goetia. When people think of the traditional image of Ceremonial Magick and ritual demon summoning, they are usually thinking of the process of the Goetia. It's become rather eponymous and one of the biggest influences in the Occult world. The Ars Goetia is the art of summoning and binding a demon from "Hell" into an earthen jar (clay and whatnot) to command. The Demons summoned are those with stately positions within the Hierarchy of Hell. They even have titles, such as "Archduke" and "Baron" and even a "President." Each demon that is summoned has behind it a legion of spirits to do that demon's bidding (and therefore, by extension, your bidding).

The Ars Goetia is got started with a book known as the "Lesser Keys of Solomon," which was attributed to King Solomon of the Bible. The story goes that one day, God decided to test the good king Solomon. He did so by sending forth a legion of demons to torment him. Solomon, using his great wisdom and wit, instead bound the demons in a jar and made them his servants. The Goetia has thus been extended to encompass the art of binding and compelling spirits to do one's bidding, rather than entering pacts or asking them for assistance. Of course, the actual King Solomon didn't write the Ars Goetia. Ancient Jewish kings didn't use titles like "President" and "Duke." But attributing it to Solomon is not completely inaccurate. Like most things within the occult, all is not as it seems.

The name "Solomon" means "peace," which is highly relevant to the practice of the Goetia. When Crowley re-introduced the Lesser Keys of Solomon with some new additions, Crowley also introduced a newer interpretation of the Goetia. Rather than a literal demon summoning from the "pits of Hell," the Ars Goetia was meant to represent common archetypes of the Self. The Ars Goetia is then intended to act as a sort of self-exploration exercise, where one confronts the inner "demons" of the Self and aligns them with their own True Will. Hence, the name "Solomon" being relevant as it infers a state of mental balance and tranquility that comes with a complete alignment of the Goetic forces.

This is much of the reason that the Tetragrammaton is used within the Goetic workings, and in many Ceremonial magicks. The Tetragrammaton, or the "Hidden Name of God," in this case represents the entirety of the "All." If the goal of the Thelemite is to discover one's own True Will and enact it, part of that True Will is understanding one's place within the greater workings of existence. Therefore, one aligns one's self with the All to learn the essence of the True Will and thus compel the self accordingly. In doing so, one evokes the demons of the Goetia into the world to enact said True Will. Thus, by working with the Goetic demons, one begins to understand what the True Will intends from the perspective of the Occultist in question. It acts as a process of self-discovery and a meeting place between the lower self, the True Will, and the All.

If you're interested in trying out the Goetia, I can recommend Crowley's version.

Give it a whirl. You might like what you find.
And as always, Love Under Will.



Saturday, November 20, 2010

Eliphas Levi

Right. Life. It gets in the way sometimes.

After the laptop fiasco I got a replacement. Since then I've been dealing with moving all my files over from my old laptop (as many as I could save) into the new one, virus scanning them, all that good stuff. That between classes, where it seems my professors wanted to exactly space out every test in such a manner that I had at least one every week. I prefer to spend about a week studying for exams whenever possible, so my free time has been eaten up.

But as November break comes closer I've finally gotten some free time. Sadly not enough to get back into real ritual practice, but by golly I tried! What I did get is some neat research done on one of the most well known occultists in recorded history. I'm talking about the legendary Eliphas Levi. Crowley believed that he was a reincarnation of Eliphas Levi, so I figured it would make sense to look into him some. Turns out he has a fascinating back story.

Born under the name Alphonse Louis Constant in 1810, Eliphas Levi (name assumed to be a translation of his birth name into Hebrew) would grow to become one of the leading figures of modern day occultism. He was the son of a poor shoemaker and attended a Catholic school for the impoverished, where he showed an aptitude for religious thinking. He worked his way towards becoming a member of the clergy, but before taking his vows he decided against it. Most sources seem to suggest that he chose not to because he had fallen in love and could not imagine living a life of chastity.

He eventually met up with an enigmatic figure named "Ganneau," a prophet and socialist advocating social reform. Levi wrote for the cause, which landed him a few months in prison for sedition. After he left, he married a girl from Paris believed to be only 16 years old (he was 36 at the time). The marriage did not last, and eventually the two divorced. Starting in 1850, Eliphas Levi began offering lessons in the occult while contributing to various theological encyclopedias. At around this time he rejected his birth name and became known as Magus Eliphas Levi to his students.

1852-1854 marked the true beginning of his involvement in the realm of the occult. He met with a mysterious woman who wanted him to engage in a Necromantic rite to speak to the occultist Apollonius of Tyana. During this time he also began writing his most famously known occult manuscripts, including The Dogma and Ritual of High Magick and The Key of the Mysteries. He became well known in the occult community for his theories on the Astral Body as well as connecting the 22 Arcana of the Tarot to the Khaballist Tree of Life. Though considered inaccurate, many found Levi's writings to be a major foundation for modern day occultism.

If you're interesting in giving some of this stuff a look, I recommend: (The Dogma and Ritual of High Magick) (The Key of the Mysteries) (Conjuration of the Four Elements)

Good stuff, if you ever decide to give it a chance.


Sunday, October 17, 2010

Broken Laptop Blues

I meant to post more, but sadly my laptop broke. I had to go get a new one. Hopefully soon I'll get a chance to start writing again.


Monday, October 11, 2010

Vocalists Are Suicidal

I just now realized that 3 of my 5 all time favorite vocalists killed themselves. How strange is that?

Jon Nodtveidt
Born: June 28, 1975
Died: August 13, 2006
Method of Death: Self-inflicted gunshot wound 
Band: Dissection
Vocalist and Guitarist

Dissection is probably my favorite band. I bought "Reinkaos" when it first came out in Europe before it was even out in the U.S.. Well, I made my grandparents buy it for me. But none-the-less I still got it first thing. Highly influential album in my life. And of course I still love Storm of Light's Bane and Somberlain, two equally fantastic albums that still get most of my playtime.

Rozz Williams
Born: November 6, 1963
Died: April 1, 1998
Method of Death: Hanging
Band: Christian Death

Christian Death is one of my 3 favorite Goth bands, alongside the Sisters of Mercy and Fields of the Nephilim. Rozz Williams was the frontman for the old Christian Death, and he did a fantastic job of it. I wish I would have been aware of music when Rozz was around, but sadly I never had the chance. The best I can do is keep re-listening to Only Theatre of Pain and accept the fact that Valor Krond has ruined the band. And no, not just because he isn't Rozz Williams. I love the Atrocities album. It's because he turned one of the best Goth/Death Rock bands into...whatever you'd call a band that releases an album as terrible as "American Inquisition." And that is unforgivable.

"Dead" (Per Yngve Ohlin)
Born: January 16, 1969
Died: April 18, 1991
Method of Death: Self inflicted gunshot wound
Band: Mayhem

Dead was the vocal pioneer for the first Black Metal act, Mayhem. He was a very strange and interesting person, to say the least. He basically created the concept of corpse paint because he wanted to look like a real corpse on stage. He developed what most would consider a morbid obsession with death after he fell into a frozen lake and nearly died. It carried over for the rest of his life. To give you an idea, one of his most famous attributed quotes is "Jag är inte en människa. Det här är bara en dröm, och snart vaknar jag. Det var för kallt och blodet levrades hela tiden." It translates to "I am not a human! This is just a dream and soon I will awake! It was too cold and my blood was frozen all the time!"

Very interesting. Still leaves me with two of my favorite top 5 vocalists, Andrew Eldritch and Carl McCoy. Eldritch probably won't be kicking the bucket any time soon unless his health fails him, and likewise I don't see Carl McCoy opting to kill himself either. Either way, I should definitely pencil in concerts just in case. I've already seen the Sisters live, but seeing them again would be fun. Definitely need to see Fields live. That must be nuts.

Well, that's all I've got for now. Nothing new to report on the Thelema front. Been doing some research on Eliphas Levi and I might get to posting some background on him, but college and work is keeping me plenty busy. Hope to get around to some more posting. Til then, enjoy my favorite song from Christian Death's "Atrocities." It's called Tales of Innocence.

As always, Love Under Will.



Friday, October 8, 2010

Love You To Death

One of my favorite songs by London After Midnight, a fantastic Darkwave act that I've grown to appreciate more and more every time I listen to their albums. I love it because it's a beautiful deconstruction of the classic  love song that gets recycled by every new mainstream pop star. That type of boring retread of the same topic in the same way is part of why I never got into music as kid. All the songs more or less sounded the same. When I hit 13 I discovered Marilyn Manson. His music was a breath of fresh air because, for once, an artist wasn't sugar-coating their work and singing what everyone else was singing about just to sell records. Course, later I discovered the Sisters of Mercy and "Temple of Love," which along with "Lucretia My Reflection" was probably responsible for getting me into Goth music.

Sadly, a lot of people don't get what the point of the song. First time listeners often point out to me that Sean Brennan (the guy who writes the music and does vocals and guitar for LAM) sounds like an incredibly creepy stalker. Well...yes. That's the point. If you could distill the message of this song into a single sentence, it's that mainstream attitudes of love and affection seem to be written by narcissistic psychopaths whose destructive obsessions have nothing to do with really loving someone, but rather are about seeking a state of adoration at the expense of the wellbeing of their victim. These people want to be loved by beautiful people to validate themselves and their existences. So I figured I'd write this stanza-by-stanza analysis of the lyrics to prove my point. Below is the lyrics and a link to a youtube video with the song. I chose a song that has poor compression quality from youtube as encouragement to buy the album.

Without further to do,

Love You To Death
By: London After Midnight

"die when I hear your voice,
to touch you Divine.
Be my posession, my sweet obsession wine."
The opening is standard fair romance music talk, creepy but not uncommon in the likes of music such as Brittney Spears. The last line of this stanza is pretty jarring however. It's a clear statement of the intent of the true intentions of the narrator. His/her goal is to become intoxicated with the feeling of romance rather than expressing true emotion to his victim. Notice how the first two lines actually don't actually relate to characteristics of the victim, but rather the narrator's physical responses to interactions with them.

"I'm dealing in demons love,
its just a matter of time.
I'll wear you down,
one day you will be mine."
In this stanza, the narrator demonstrates the destructive element of his obsession. If he/she cannot have their intended victim, no one can. This is a question of ownership and power, of being in a relationship for the sake of having someone they can control. If their victim does not adhere to their strict sense of love and affection, they must change or be destroyed in the process.

"Only I can make your life complete,
just give yourself to me.
Only I can make your destiny."
Again, the narrator's narcissism shines through. He/she is adamant in their own importance in the victim's life, regardless of the victim's feelings for him/her. Obviously if the victim feels otherwise then they are lying to themselves. In the narrator's eyes, it is only by relinquishing control that the victim can understand their destiny.

"So give me your heart my love,
and give me your soul.
I'd give you mine but I
sold it long ago."
Control is key here. The narrator wants the victim to surrender their will to him/her. Yet ironically, the narrator is not in control at all of their destructive behavior and dangerous obsessions. Perhaps the need for control of another is compensation for the narrator's inability to regulate and understand their own emotions. The lack of self control makes the narrator seek out control over another, and their obsessive single mindedness and desire to watch their victim is a distraction from their lack of introspection.

"Only I can see inside of you 
just give yourself to me.
And I won't stop until you see the truth."
An interesting element of the narrator's obsession is that because his/her interest in the victim is purely self-serving, their understanding of the victim is shallow and superficial. Instead, the narrator assigns characteristics to the victim based on his/her desires. The victim is a canvas for the narrator to project his desires upon. The real personality of the victim is inconsequential.

"I love you to death.
I love you completelly,
a love that is purely vain.
I never meant to hurt you so badly,
I thought you'd enjoy the pain."
The first line, the title of the song, carries most of the meaning of the song. It also has multiple meanings. On one level, the narrator's obsession is no doubt destructive. It represents both their own death, as they continue to project their own lack of personal understanding in their obsessions rather than trying to understand themselves and their own feelings, as well as their victim's death, whose life is certainly being ruined by the narrator's power game. On another level, it represents the narrator's obsession destroying the reality of the victim in his/her mind. The real individual doesn't exist in the narrator's mind. They are an object to project their feelings onto and nothing more.

The second and third line is an open statement of the nature of the narrator's feelings. His/her "love" is the obsession and it is complete and total. It has to be to make up for the fundamentally flawed narrator's perception of themselves. The love is "vain" because of its superficial quality. It only exists to cover a flaw, and therefore has nothing to do with real emotion.

The last two lines demonstrate the narrator's awareness of their destructive behavior. The narrator knows to some degree that what they are doing is bringing harm to their victim, but by virtue of their narcissism they cannot take this into account when moved to action. The narrator can only proceed by convincing themselves that the victim wants to be harmed.

"I know what you feel it love,
I can tell from your tears.
So don't deny me,
give into your fears."
The narrator once again equates the pain they are inflicting with love, and thus the reaction of their victim to their behavior as reciprocation. The narrator cannot have this any other way, because it would mean the victim has no feelings for them. This beautifully mirrors the narrator's own condition. In the mind of the narrator, the victim behaves this way because, like the narrator himself/herself, the victim does not truly understand themselves or their emotions. Thus the narrator fools themselves into feeling connected to the victim by virtue of their own lack of internal understanding. It becomes a perceived commonality between them, even if this commonality only exists in the mind of the narrator and has no basis in reality. 

"I love you to death.

I love you completely,
a love that is purely vain.
I never meant to hurt you so badly,
I thought you'd enjoy the pain.

I love you to death.
I love you completely,
a love that is purely vain.
I never meant to hurt you so badly,
I thought you'd enjoy the pain."

So there you have it. A stanza-by-stanza analysis of one of my favorite songs. Hope you liked it!



Wednesday, October 6, 2010


Good 'morrow, ladies 'n gents! My name is Setoth93, but you can call me "Setoth." The purpose of this blog is to act as a magickal diary of sorts. This way, I can look back on this and see how much I grow and develop as an occultist. I'm also using blogspot as part of an effort to stay in touch with some of my friends who use this site for personal journals and the likes. So...I guess I'll make this first post an "about me" posting because that seems like the appropriate kind of post to make.

Name: Setoth93, Setoth
What does it mean?:  "Setoth" is a portmanteau of "Set" and "Thoth." In Egyptian mythology, Set is the God of Chaos and Storms. He is the one who battles with Apep every day to claim the sky. He was also the one who ripped Osiris limb from limb. In turn, Thoth is the Egyptian God of Wisdom and Knowledge in its many forms. He was considered to be unbegotten, a characteristic shared with few characters in mythology (Christ comes to mind). He was often times considered the "Heart of Ra." This is doubly significant because to the ancient Egyptians, the heart was considered the source of thought, feeling, and emotion. Combined, the word "Setoth" represents "Wisdom From Chaos" and "Wisdom Through Chaos."
Brief History: I became involved with the occult when I was 15. I explored a variety of traditions and theories, ranging from Kaballah to Hermeticism to dabbling with the Goetia. I had read Crowley early on and always considered him a significant influence in my work, but it wasn't until a few months back that I decided to really explore Thelema from more than just an academic point of view.
Outside of occultism, I'm a full time college student and part time employee. I attend St. Edwards University, a small private Catholic university in Austin. I'm a business management major and english writing and rhetoric minor, though I'm not really much into either. College is just one of those things that's always been expected of me, so I'm just trying to enjoy the experience as much as I can.
Interests: Occultism, video games, politics (Libertarian-esque), philosophy and social contract theory, music, horror, technology, transhumanism, old TV shows.

And that's about all I got for now. And sorry for what an eyesore the blog is right now. I'll fix it later when I have photoshop open. Until then!