Wednesday, March 2, 2011


Hah! Saps. Half of you read the title and clicked thinking OMFG THIS FICTIONAL INTERNET CONSTRUCT HAS STRUCK AGAIN!!!!!!

Alright, so lemme give this a bit of context. Remember my arthaus post? Well it seems to have gotten the better of me! I was trolling the net for interesting indie horror films because I’m tired of the drivel that gets presented in modern day horror cinema. My ideal horror film experience does not involve watching people get tortured for an hour and a half. Sorry “Saw” and “Hostel.” Anywho, one I kept seeing referred to online was this flick called “Marble Hornets.” So I checked it out and…would you believe it, it was that Slenderman stuff Kal sent me! A live action film and everything! I highly recommend it if you haven’t seen it. Just youtube Marble Hornets, it’ll lead you to the channel. It’s a series of rather well done short videos about this Slenderman character. I wasn’t all that taken with Slenderman himself, but I absolutely adored ToTheArk and his films. The director made some brilliant stylistic choices!

Anywho, the troll baiting is there because as I went to see if there were any other directors making movies like this (similar to the Hellraiser series getting licensed to a bunch of people…though admittedly only the ones officially done by Clive Barker were any good), I stumbled upon this bizarre community and…get this…people actually BELIEVE this shit. I’m all for IC stuff, I play RPGs plenty. And for a second that’s what I thought was going on but…no. No people actually think he exists. That's why Kal got so encouraged I'm sure. So the title was there to freak out any of those lunatics who religiously google search Slenderman to find out who he’s been stalking lately.

Guys, seriously. Get a life. Go outside.

No? Alright. I'll make you a deal.

See this?

THIS is the Circle of Solomon. Beautiful design. It's used in the Ars Goetia and a bunch of other rituals. And that thingy in the middle is apparently called "the Operator Symbol." I guess it does something fancy and Slendy related. So you paranoid rocket scientists who are just now putting two and two together can probably guess what I've got planned. That's right, I'm going to summon Slenderman. Oh and this has been carefully thought out, for all you detail oriented losers out there. Consider the Tulpa theory, as explained in (Slenderia).

See, if Slenderman exists because he exists as a thoughtform, then the Ars Goetia is a perfect choice for bringing him forth. As you might have read in a previous blog of mine the Ars Goetia is believed to summon "internal demons" or archetypes from the mind. So it should bring Slendy right to me. Bonus points if you believe in that absurd Crowley variant of the Tulpa theory. So the plan is to print this baby out on larger paper from the office later tonight and finish the ritual. Office won't notice the large paper so we're good!

I expect you dorks to type me up messages about how I'm playing with fire and dooming myself to certain death, yadda yadda yadda. I'm going to ignore these. And continue with the ritual. And I assure you that weeks, months, and even years from now I'll still be alive. Or if I'm not, it won't be due to Slender-related causes.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go out and talk to human beings. Because that's what people do when they aren't imaging themselves to be the targets of fictional horror monsters.

As always,
Love Under Will



  1. You're gonna die for posting shit about Slenderman! Look outta your windows at night.

  2. you made me mad. Im going to track you down you negative unbelieving hopeless faithless bitch, and I will make sure you DO die a horrible long painful death you asshole. NO ONE MAKES FUN OF MY BUDDY SLENDERMAN!

  3. You are making a big mistake for dizing Slenderman I'm his Proxy!

    1. your a proxy? im scared outta my wits right now, i've been taking random quzzies and stuff and it sad i would be a great proxy and he is comig for me O-O. and my paranioa (hopefully) has led me to seeing tall human figures. wht should i do? am i going to die or does he have other uses for me :l

  4. LMAO! Your logic is terrible, IF slindermen was real and able to do all you think he can do then why hasn't he hunted down and killed or at least scared every "faithless" and "negative unbeliever"? IF he was real and is all you think he is, then why the fuck should the cartoonie octopus in a penguin suit care? I would love for someone to answer my questions! No for real shit heads lets hear it.

  5. Well Well, imma go slender hunting tonight. somewhere around 12:00 is when i will see if slender men is real. So Cailan tell slendy im comin for him, it what ever the fuck you wanna call your self fulfilling prophecy. You can do that rite, after all you are a "Proxy". Hope you know a proxy has to do with computer shit.

  6. Biggest Time waster of my life! I spent 53 minutes, 53 minutes in cold ass woods for what? Not a damn thing! Slinder men is a fake, your all dilutional and probably should be medicated. On behalf of all sane people, please, see a shrink.
    -Sincerely your favorite black guy Christian. But seriously, get some help.
    P.S. Love Under Will, your funny az shit. By the way, i wish you best of luck with the hate mail.

  7. there's another rituals for "summoning slenderman"... of course, if you try your luck to do it and see if it works... you know, I don't really care for it. I admit, It would be interesting to see him, in any case he is real. But a completely waste of time if he's not... anyway, not interested, do whatever you want with this "summoning rituals" btw I'm mexican, here, slenderman is also popular, saludos!
    "Ritual #1:
    By 3:00- 4:00 am, Go to a mirror, turn off the lights, say "slenderman, I believe in you" 13 times (I don't know why 13...) turn on the lights and you should be able to see him, of course, just the image of him in the mirror just behind you, so don't be afraid,he won't be really standing behind you...but... if you show fear, he'll be able to break through the mirror...and there he'll be for real so... DON'T BE. after seeing him, turn off the lights again and just walk towards the door and get out, STILL STARING AT THE MIRROR EVEN AFTER YOU CLOSE THE DOOR and DON'T GO IN FOR 13 HOURS, so you better use a mirror from an unused area."

    "Ritual 2:
    need: 12 papers, pen, sleeping bag, forest. Go to the forest at sunset, write down the "operator" sign in the 12 papers and put them around you in a clockwise circle (you in the center, of course) next, yell: "slenderman! I summon you!" then... GO. TO. SLEEP." hahahah I gotta admit it... It somewhat sounded like jeff XDD LOL okok getting serious... do whatever you want with the information... it's up to you now.